Top five Roy of the Rovers football shirts

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1. The 1970s Edition. There’s nothing like seeing a Melchester Rovers strip to bring back memories of a time when a footballer could get kidnapped, shot, have his foot amputated after a helicopter crash and STILL crack in a hat trick every week. Okay, maybe not after the amputation. Anyway, this 1970s Melchester kit remains the definitive edition, in Brandish’s heart at least. BUY IT

2. The 2000 Edition. You don’t see many 21st century teams with whopping great Vs on the front of their shirts. For shame. Not that this stopped Melchester from making a brave fashion statement for their 2000 kit, of course. The traditional red’n’gold are still to the fore, of course. This is the kit to go for if you remember Roy’s son Rocky, who took over the goalscoring after his dad’s foot was lopped off. BUY IT

3. The 1950s Edition.
Ah, the fifties, when a man could slide in and batter a goalkeeper with any available limb without fear of being penalised by the ref (or shouted at by Jose Mourinho). The 1950s Melchester kit has an old-school collar and badge, plus buttons for that vintage chest-rug-peeking-out effect. BUY IT

4. The Trackie Top.
Because not everyone can be on the pitch playing alongside Roy, Blackie Gray and, er, Spandau Ballet. If your wing-scampering days are well behind you, this garish tracksuit top may be more appropriate. It’s warm, and perfect for dancing about on the touchline shouting "GET YOUR HEAD TO IT RACE, YOU F***ING PILLOCK! STOP WORRYING ABOUT THOSE BLOND LOCKS!" Or something. BUY IT

5. The 1960s Edition.
England were winning the World Cup, and Melchester were… well, probably spanking all and sundry with improbable footballing feats from Roy, I’m guessing. The 1960s kit isn’t quite as dashing as the 1970s one, but it sports the same round neck, along with bright yellow sleeves. Now that’s style. BUY IT