LRG Thousand hand slap boardies

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These shorts (£39.95) probably belong more in an opium den than on the beach and maybe they say "sleaze" more than "surf", but as long as you do stick to wearing them in the sea rather than under your silk smoking jacket, you should be fine.

If you fancy something a little less brave, LRG also do the Mr Lava Lava boardies, which are just as original but less likely to have people telling their kids not to go near you.