If I could grow a moustache, I would. And I imagine I’d become obsessed with it. I would nurture it like I would a pet. I would search for avenues that would indulge my fixation with my new hairy accessory. I would seek out websites which would feed my desire to look into any number of moustache-related matters. In short, I would be checking the website of the American Mustache Institute every. Damn. Day.
British readers, you’re just going to have to get used to the fact that "moustache" is spelled differently "over there". American readers, I’m only spelling it your way because that’s how the AMI spells it, so don’t go getting all cocky or nuthin’. Anyway, trifling spelling-related matters aside, the AMI provides a portal for all things pertaining to hairy face-sluggery. For instance, you get a section for "Mustaches In The News", which currently has bits about living moustached legends such as Tom Selleck and Billy Dee Williams.
Despite its nostalgia for the glory years of the 70s ("the peak of
mustache acceptance") the site doesn’t take itself too seriously, and
under its "Fighting Discrimination" charter it lists facial
hair-related slights heard from "women on the street". These include
"I’m sorry. It’s just that guys with mustaches really, really scare
me", and "Um, hello! This is 2007 – not 1977!"
Voting is currently underway for their contest "The Best Sports
Mustache of All Time", although it’s a shame that as a Brit I only
recognised Hulk Hogan on their list of nominees. Just think of all the
British footballers they’re missing out on – Graeme Souness springs
immediately to mind, for example. When you see that the list of
nominees includes names such as Goose Gossage and Rollie Fingers, you
may wish there was another, monicker-based contest to vote on.
As the icing on the bristly cake, if you’re in the St. Louis, Missouri area on 4th August you can even head along to "’Stache Bash ’07"
- as long as you’re in possession of some upper lip decoration, one
would assume. If you end up attending perhaps you’ll send us some