Topman top five new items

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After their summer collection’s explosion of embarrassingly garish colours courtesy of the nu-rave scene, Topman’s latest releases for autumn and winter have been, thankfully, toned down a bit. I suppose even their designers realise that a pink-Paisley and green-denim patchwork raincoat would be a hard look to rock. But I may have just possibly given rise to a fashion-monster of epic proportions if any Topman reps are reading this. Please: don’t!

Keep reading after the job for five Topman picks of the week… and there’s not a spot of fluorescent day-glow yellow in sight.

1. Black hoodie (£20) – A simple necessity for the colder months and pretending to be an urban ninja. I also really like the unusual button detail on the neck.

2. Striped drawstring top (£18) – Not sure what the drawstrings around the hem are actually for, but I reckon this tee is designed to facilitate shoplifters. Stick your "discounted" goods up front of your shirt and pull the strings to stop ’em falling out. Not that Brandish condones that sort of thing.

3. Leather bomber (£130) – This jacket is totally early 1980s street thug, which is why it probably isn’t such a good idea to wear one if you’re keen on shaving your head and wearing DM’s.

4. Brown checkered trilby (£15) – A hat that even Justin Timberlake would be proud to wear, trilbies with narrow brims are the way forward. Bear in mind that this won’t actually make you look anything like JT, especially if you’ve already got a face like a cobbler’s thumb.

5. Check shirt (£28) – The most colourful thing I’ve chosen, it’s still quite conservative compared to a lot of Topman’s stuff. I also like the fact that the checks aren’t in the usual "lumberjack" tartan pattern.