This looks like any other bedside table, albeit a funky one, right? Wrong. While the Safe Bedside Table is fit for a lamp and your morning coffee, it also converts into a tactical offensive/defensive, timber-based weapon system. Or, in other words, a club and wooden shield.
Designed for the completely paranoid who find the aesthetics of baseball bats too crude, the table will sit benignly in the corner until you hear "something" downstairs. The table top then converts into a Spartacus style shield while the "leg" can be wielded as a club to smite any intruders who have the audacity to, um, intrude.
Though, more than likely, the "burglar" is just the cat getting into the kitchen bin again.