With guidebook and ability to say thank-you in tow, I was an innocent tourist. At least that was until I saw him from across the road. The letters emblazoned on his back in plush gold velvet shone with insecurity- “Vagina Lover.” Welcome to testosterone Euroflash-style.
It made me wonder about the power of sexuality through fashion. I’m not talking about the Azzedine Alaia flashing of flesh but the establishing of our own preference (and much more) through what we wear. A recent commentator on men.style claimed that the lowest thing a man could do was wear clothes that could be mistaken for women’s. Does that ban drainpipe denim, skinny scarves and thin knits (all within my wardrobe) from the outfits of the modern man. In my opinion a man of those opinions shouldn’t really be dabbling in the androgynous fashion industry. Read on for a Top Five of Euroflasher War Paint.
We in Britain are hardly guilt-free when it comes to this pseudo-sexual dressing- my friend with the infamous t-shirt collection was recently seen touting a new addition to his collection. The ‘Man and the Legend’ shirt (as seen above,) is a rather brash statement towards the more physical aspects of masculinity. The current trend for killer suits, as seen on Mad Men, could be viewed by some as a sartorial power-trip. Lapo Elkann, a man praised for his risk-taking and prowess with clothing is never seen without the chest rug and Amazonian arm hanger. Where does it go from cool to cringe? How orange is too orange?
As EU members ourselves, the more laddish of our readers may wonder how to avoid falling into the trap of fake-tanned, Cavalli-clad party-goers. Yes, we have reached a point in our existence where that many hyphens are perfectly necessary.
Just avoid the following;
So obvious but so (visually) painful in their abundance, these strips of supposed manhood have haunted beaches for decades. Learn from Peter Stringfellow (right) and know that there is no comfort in flaunting your not-so-manly arse. Sand spread, fabric rash, trapping of hair- do I need to list the ways in which Speedos are wrong?
Oh I know it’s obvious but how unfair that Dean Martin’s beloved should be sidelined to the ranks of VIP lounges in Russian nightclubs. A sign of wealth, power and corruption (be it material or in the case of the Euroflasher sartorial,) cigars are a favourite pastime of men who want to exude an air of masculinity-commonly mistaken by anyone sane as arrogance.
From Flavor Flav to Stefano Gabbana, bling is found in the form of chains, bracelets and even anklets. When Valentino fancied John Barrowman he supposedly gave him a sapphire neck chain in order to watch his eyes sparkle against the sea. Yes that’s right, Valentino ‘Oompa Loompa’ Garavani, fashion king.
Dolce & Gabbana Trainers
No Euroflash stomping-ground, be it St. Barts, Miami, Milan or Romania, is complete without the footprints of D&G trainers. You know the ones- small, leather, gold, velvet, silver logos, all within one shoe. Worn with colour rim t-shirts and faded jeans, these are the it-items of the Euroflasher’s walk-in wardrobe.
Boxing Kit/ Too-tight Vests/ Slogan Tees
Now this is what separates the flash from the trash. A sign of their intelligence, ego and chauvinism, slogan tees allow the Euroflash to stand out from the crowd and boast of their dolce vitas. From orientation to kinky fetishes- a lot can be revealed with the power of iron-on letters.