As we’ve been thinking about our wishlists for Summer 2009, can we also call for an amnesty on the following fashion faux pas? Whilst we’re quite sure that our Brandish readers are beacons of style themselves, this list can be used to convince any errant rule-breakers you might know that 2009 is the year we said no to bad summer style.
1. The Chin Beard. A carefully carved line where your chin meets your neck convinces no-one that you have a strong jawline. If anything it draws attention to wobbly bits or absence of definition. Grow a proper man beard that covers your neck too. Or shave it off.
2. Male muffin tops. Derided on the female of the species, somehow squeezing into a pair of drainpipe skinnies is considered acceptable for an alarming number of larger men. Some people just aren’t formed to wear skin tight, narrow trousers. Embrace your inner Bear and show off those thick, hunky thighs in something more rugged, like carpenter-style jeans.
3. Soggy, grubby white plimsolls. The only thing worse than wearing inappropriate skinnies is when the leg tapers down to a slim ankle ending in a pair of soggy white plimsolls. This footwear was a refreshing change to mass produced, overdesigned trainers two years ago but now just look jaded. If you want to wear plimsolls choose a bright colour or a patterned variety, and consider an alternative altogether if your legs are carrot shaped.
4. Cargo shorts. There seems to be a theory that one can cast caution to the wind on the rare occasions that the sun shines in the UK. That hideous pair of cargo shorts picked up for a last-minute holiday that remain crumpled in the bottom draw until the annual day in the park need to be sent to Oxfam. Choose something flattering to the body shape whatever it is, roomy or narrow. Chino shorts work well for pretty much everyone. Striped seersucker looks summery and fresh.
5. Ray Bans. OK, everyone loves a pair of Wayfarers but we’re reaching overkill. A sunny day in East London currently looks like it’s sponsored by a certain eyewear manufacturer and such a degree of uniformity is alarming. Can we have a little variety, please? Vintage, Tom Ford, Linda Farrow.. or alternative RB styles are all great options. Wayfarers are classics, just put them in a safe place and break them out when they come back into vogue, or at least have an alternative pair.
Carpenter-style jeans by Dickies