Brandish says don’t: Topman leopard print jeans

As the fires of the indie-nu rave scene are fanned even further into a glow-stick and white gloves inferno of epic proportions, so does the fashion that helps fuel the flames get more ridicoulous. I can forgive certain minor indiscretions, such as the aformentioned white gloves. I can even live with some of the clothes that look like they were made from offcuts of the fabric of space and time circa 1988. Afterall, they’re just kids (mainly).

But I can’t abide these jeans (£35). Created by firing Johnny Borrell and Mel B toward each other at near light speeds – I’d sell half my grandmother to see that – these are just a step too far in the big fancy dress party that is youth fashion at the moment. They’re just tacky and could seriously end up making you look like some sort of young Peter Stringfellow wannabe. Brandish says don’t.

Oh dear. Burtons sell Neo-Nazi T-Shirt

Have a good look at this snazzy t-shirt from Burtons. It’s nice isn’t it? Well, if you like ethnic cleansing that is. What’s that? Well, a clever sod called Paddy Shuttleworth, a student at Bristol University, spotted the unassuming tee in his local Burton menswear shop and was… shall we say… a bit surprised. The Cyrillic writing surrounding the doubleheaded eagle motif is gibberish to most, but to Paddy, a Russian language student, he was able to translate its dubious message. Unfortunately, it read: "We will cleanse Russia of non-Russians!"

"I did mention to the girl as I bought one of the shirts, that it was politically probably quite dangerous," says our Paddy. The shirt’s overall design is an odd jumble of ersatz French logo and Russian iconography, but there is no mistaking the nature of the sentiment, which uses the old word for Russia, "Rus" as a way of distinguishing between ethnic Russians and those with Russian citizenship. "I’ve spoken to a Russian friend," says Mr Shuttleworth, "and she said you would be arrested if you wore it in Russia."

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Topman Invader top

If you’ve always wanted to look like the screen of an iconic 1970s arcade machine, now’s your chance. Continuing the general trend of exploiting people’s nostalgia, Topman have released the Invader Hoodie (£30), obviously based on Space Invaders. Despite my cynicism, I really like the top, but I think they missed a trick by not making the top in a green/black colour scheme – the original Space Invaders colour way.

Topman rolled sleeve polo

This Topman polo (£22) is intriguing, at first glance it looks like an
ordinary casual polo, but the longer sleeves made me look twice. They give it an added air of smartness taking into shirt style stakes, which puts it exactly on the cusp of smart and casual. The faded wash takes it back to casual making it even more confusing. I think this is a good thing though, make observant people do a double take and the sleeves are perfect for this summer’s "will it won’t it" weather.

Red Dot headphone hoodie

Manufactured from 100% cotton and vintage washed, this great Red Dot hooded sweatshirt features a pair of headphones screen printed on the hood.

The sweatshirt has been constructed in medium weight jersey fabric that sits just right with the hood up or down (so you don’t end up with a pointy looking head) with subtle branding on the cuff and chest.

It’s worth noting that this shirt is slim fitting, so it’s recommend that you order one size larger than normal. Click here if you want to spend your £85 on one. Also available in white.

Monsoon washed out blazer

I’m not one for wearing suit jackets with jeans – I end up looking like Jeremy Clarkson rather than the suave-but-casual urban lad I imagine I am. But I might give the look another go if I can get my hands on this Monsoon blazer (£70) which has an informal cut and that "slept in" appearance.

The blazer would look great with just a black t-shirt underneath and a battered pair of jeans or charcoal slacks. It would look even better with an old trilby. Then you could pretend you’re some old jazz saxophonist who’s just finished a set at 6am in some little dive somewhere. That’s what I’d do anyway. Because I’m a bit strange like that.

French Connection Transformers clothing

In celebration of the release of the new Transformers movie – believe me, a Tranformers movie is reason to celebrate – French Connection have released a range of tees (£20-£40) bearing the mechanical-mugs of the characters as they appear in the movie. From the pictures on the website, I can’t make out which characters they are, but it looks like Megatron, Optimus Prime and Bumblebee. In any case these are smart t-shirts and a damn site better than those knock-off "Autobot" and "Decepticon" ones from Camden market, owing more to Terratag designs than anything else.