Hero of the day: Joe Boyd

Name Joe Boyd

Job A one man music happening. Producer, author, promoter and music mogul.

Special Powers The ability to be at the right place at the right time and nurish. His CV is a ridiculous read. He’s partly responsible for the Newport Folk Festival, Pink Floyd, Nick Drake, Deliverance, the UFO club in London, John Martyn and more.

He said "Back in the sixties there was a widespread feeling that everyone had the right to express themselves musically… I didn’t agree. I was always the curmudgeon that said ‘if you’re no good, shut up.’"

They said "He always seemed to be in the right place at the right time and that rarely happens by accident."

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Sunjar light

This sunjar light is perfect for the cold and dreary nights that are setting over the winter months. It’s been designed by a clever sod called Tobi Wong, and this jar actually stores sunlight. What you do, is leave this rascal sitting in the sunlight, and by night, hey presto, it will radiate light! All made possible by swanky modern technology (some LED’s, a solar panel and some ingenious thinking).

The sandblasted glass gives off mellow light which does make you feel like you have sunshine in a jar… and who wouldn’t want that? Get a few of these in, and dot them around your house over winter, and save them until summer, and you can use them in the garden when you have mates round. They’re a decent little size, 4" x 4" x 6" (10x10x16 cm) and won’t break the bank being a paltry €29.00. BUY IT

Star Wars Darth Vader popcorn maker

So you were daft enough to think that only softies munch popcorn? Welcome to the dark side my young paduan learner, and create tasty snacks for flicks in this super dope Darth Vader popcorn maker.

Now, this bad boy sith machine features a 6 oz. popper inside a smoked glass and chrome cabinet, as well as the ability to choke petulent generals, and destroy entire planets with a single blast. Maybe.

This is no tabletop nonesense either, this a big old fashioned wheelie thing which you can push around the house with wild abondon… or phantom menace should you prefer. Your mates will be jealous, and you’ll annoy Jar Jar Binks as well. What could be better? This rascal normally goes for $1,386.00 but it’s now in the sale for $1,099.00. BUY IT

See the Fonz in panto!

It’s Christmas soon, and there’s a good chance that some of you may have kids pestering you to go to a pantomime. We all know how terrible panto is don’t we? Well, get this! Panto just got hip! How? Well, at the New Wimbledon Theatre in south west London, you’ll be able to see the Fonz.

That’s right, Henry Winkler who played the great Arthur Fonzerelli in Happy Days is a matter of weeks away from treading the boards as Captain Hook in Peter Pan. Winkler came in as a last minute replacement to David Hasselhoff who pulled
out of the production which starts in early December. "We don’t have panto in America and it sounds
unbelievably fun," said the Fonz. "I love the Peter Pan story and I love Captain Hook! He’s a
villain but hey, he had his hand bitten off by a crocodile – you have
to feel some sympathy for the guy." Get you’re tickets soon before they’re snapped up!
[via Jewtastic]

Wii Wii. The only Nintendo blog worth a damn

When you’re done with Brandish (don’t forget to lock up on your way out), check out Shiny Media’s newest puppy, Wii Wii. It’s a fully house-trained, perfectly obedient blog that will cater to your every Nintendo Wii need. Bookmark it now and your life will be that extra bit more exciting. We promise.

Hero of the day: John Cooper Clarke

Name John Cooper Clarke

Job One man riot, poet and punk.

Special Powers The Bard of Salford. Poncey people would say his job is as ‘a performance poet’.

He said ‘I played a gig in Cardiff last week and had a run in with the Welsh
Mafia; They made me an offer I couldn’t understand…’

They said Clarke’s high-speed, Salford-twanged delivery, based on the rhythms of rock and amphetamine sulphate rather than any conventional poetic metre, was the verbal equivalent of the headlong musical thrill of punk. Likewise, his subject matter was often lurid enough for punk, combining the bohemian sensibility of Kerouac or Ginsberg with the more whimsical wordplay associated with, say, Adrian Henri. His performances, though relentless and confrontational, were always good-humoured.

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Lamborghini X Versace Murcielago

This is without doubt the most bling car the world has ever seen. An ordinary Lambo Murcielago is pretty damn bling, but a limited edition (just ten are being made!) Versace version is bling to the power of 100. Expect it to feature heavily in the next ‘Puff Daddy/Diddy/whatever the hell he’s calling himself now’ music video, no doubt adorned by several bikini-clad honeys. We don’t have any more details on the car right now, but it’s safe to say that when it comes to price, if you have to ask, you definitely can’t afford it. Click below for a sneak preview of the interior…
[Via Freshness]

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New iPod Shuffle finally goes on sale

You don’t have to be an Apple fanboy to be dribbling over the new iPod Shuffle. It’s got 1GB of memory – enough for up to 240 songs – has 12 hours battery life, and weighs HALF AN OUNCE, clipping neatly onto your belt. It’s an intruiging riposte to all those people who are saying that mobile phones are going to replace iPods as the mass-market music-playing devices of choice.

Anyway, the new Shuffles were announced months ago, it feels like, but they’re finally going on sale tomorrow in Apple stores and other high-street shops. Expect to pay £55 for one of the little fellas. Or buy five! Okay, maybe just one.

(iPod Shuffle)

Have an eco Xmas with an organic tree

Forget those plastic Christmas trees you’ve been eyeing up in the shop. Especially the singing ones. Plastic trees may manage to hold on to their bristles when the cat brushes past, but they’re not exactly eco-friendly are they? If you want to outdo David Cameron for flaunting your green credentials, how about an organic Norway Spruce sapling, which will sit happily in the corner of your living room for the festive season, and can then be planted outside until next year.

It’s 20-60cm tall, so admittedly you can’t hang those two boxes of decorations on it that you could fit on your last tree. But you get the warm feeling of having saved the planet (almost), along with a personalised gold-plated snowflake decoration with your own message engraved on it. It costs £34.95 if you order it online too. BUY IT

The doorkey LED torch

For all the press release’s talk of "night safety", it’s blatantly clear that True Utility’s LockLite gadget has one use, and one use only. It’s to prevent that embarrassing 30 seconds of fumbling when you arrive home after a night on the beers, and can’t find your front door lock. Hurrah!

It’s a little gizmo that fixes onto your key – as long as it’s round-ended – and turns it into a bright LED torch. Apparently the light source is visible a mile away too, although what good that does when you’re swaying around on your front porch is anyone’s guess. LockLite’s batteries can be replaced, and its bulb has a 100,000-hour life. It should be on sale before the boozy Christmas parties get going, at a price to be confirmed.

(True Utility website)

Hero of the day: Ted Chippington

Name Francis Smyth, aka Ted Chippington

Job Stand-up comedian, underrated poet of the people.

Special Powers Dry one-liners, making hecklers look stupid.

He said ‘I was walking down the road the other day, this chap drove up beside me and said, "Excuse me, mate, I’m in a dilemma." I said, "Aye, good motors, Dilemmas. I was thinking of buying one myself. A red one perhaps."’

They said ‘Ted Chippington’s act was totally different – a mixture of surrealism and insolent provocation and uncompromising boredom. I thought it was the coolest thing I ever saw. The show came out as a 7" 33rpm single on Vindaloo records and I was in the crowd. When I hear tapes of me from 88/89 I am still copying Ted.’ Stewart Lee, stand-up and writer

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Canon Powershot G7

Canon’s new G7 is a serious camera, for serious photographers. It hasn’t been designed to fit in a handbag, or to look good in a range of pastel colours. No, it’s been designed to take excellent pictures, and it does that just fine. If a DSLR is too bulky for your needs, then the G7 makes an ideal compact alternative. It’s a fully manual, 10-megapixel camera with a 64mm LCD. It also has an idiotproof auto setting, if you’re more of a point-and-shoot kind of guy. As such, it’s aimed at enthusiasts who know the difference between ISO and CCD. We love the no-fuss styling too. BUY IT

Save your mobile from a watery grave

One of the most embarrassing tech-related experiences I ever had was at a music festival, while sitting round a campfire holding a big cup of white wine in one hand, and a Sony Ericsson T68 in the other. At the time, it was the only cameraphone available in the UK, so naturally I was showing it off. At least, until a drunken fumble led to, yes, one whizzy new handset floating in a cup of wine.

If only this advice had been around back then. Titled ‘How to Save a Wet Cell Phone’, it gives a six-step guide to making sure your phone doesn’t end up in the mobile knacker’s yard (strangely, one step involves soaking it in alcohol), along with some tips and warnings about what and what not to do in the process.

Monkey mag launched

Monkeys are ace aren’t they? Firstly, they’re the funniest creatures in the zoo. Secondly, some of them are fantastic in films (just look at Any Which Way but Loose). They also let us get up to no good with their clever invention of ‘monkey business’. Well, keeping in theme, a new lad rag called Monkey Mag has launched today which appeals to all our base/simian needs! Cars! Girls with their clothes falling off! Funny stuff! Football! More girls in a state of undress! Guess what? It’s all free! If you register with them you stand the chance of winning a big fat Suburu too.

REGISTER WITH MONKEY MAG HERE

Buy Duran Duran’s telephone box

How cool would it be to own your own traditional British red phone box? And how much cooler would it be if it had previously been owned by a foppish yacht-loving New Romantic band? Well, today’s your lucky day.

Brandish’s brother blog Bayraider has turned up just that: a red phone box that was used as a stage prop in Duran Duran’s ‘Wedding Album’ tour, before making a cameo appearance in the band’s ‘Too Much Information’ video. It’s made of wood and steel, so is hardy enough to stand outside (handy, if your living room doesn’t have a huge telephone-box-sized space in the corner), and has a starting price of $1,500.